Some pics of the girls

[kueluck]

Well I know of one Southern gentleman that will be 3 this coming spring. ;o) Morph is my only toad. I released all the other last month since all they did was burrow down. Morph is usually always up either sitting on the cork bark throne or slightly tucked up under a piece of cork bark by the feeding bowl awaiting dinner to pass by.

[yoshimi]

Happy New Year!

[yoshimi]

Banjo died last night around 11pm. She'd decided to burrow through most of March, which she'd never done before, and when she came up, didn't want to eat. I waited, hoping it'd pass. Offered food, but she'd just walk away. The night before last, she was walking funny so I knew I had to do something. I force-fed her a calcium dipped piece of worm, using a card and her wrapped like a burrito in damp paper towel. She didn't fight me too much. I did it again the next morning, using vitamin supplement and she let me, but she ws walking better. All day yesterday, liquid was coming from her nose. It was getting into her eyes and attracting dirt so she had the membranes up. I dabbed at her nostrils with a tissue, tried to help her drain, and though she looked bad, she was still breathing. My bf brought home fresh worms and I should have waited to try to feed her again, but I messed up, and did it anyway. This time she fought me, and spit first half out. That was where I went wrong. I should have seen that she didn't want it, had the strength to fight, and let well enough alone until today. The stress of me trying again must have killed her because she died in my hands. Her eyes went clear and she looked right at me. As her last act, she excreted gooey white poison. She must have been terrified.
The worst is that she doesn't look dead. She looks so much better than she did when she was sick. The pics are on my phone. She looks terrible hunched over with muddy eyes (I don't think she could see), and a wet looking face. But after death, those eyes are still open and clear - STILL - and she appears to be holding herself up. Just not breathing. I'm not sure exactly what happened. It could have been shock, she may have choked, or maybe the fluid went back up her nose and she drowned in it.
I am so sorry. She might be here today if I hadn't thought I knew what I didn't. Instead, going to bury her in backyard in a few.

[gut]

I'm so sorry for your loss Crystal, you did everything you could.

[yoshimi]

I didn't realize what a huge part of every day she was. I'm still in "go check on her" mode. For someone who made no noise, the house somehow seems more quiet without her. The tank looks dark and empty, though there's still some dirt in it and there never was a light. Not the kind that you plug in. There's a palpable sense of loss. I buried her yesterday and planted flower seeds on her grave and over where Uki is. They're old seeds and I'm not sure if they'll grow, but they were all I had.
If I had a do-over, I would have left well enough alone and skipped that last feeding attempt of the new worms. Up until that point, I was doing what I had to and my force-feeding was necessary and technique was good. In my mind, I was thinking, fresher = better, but she'd already had some food and vitamins in her belly; she didn't need it. I would have then had the time to get help of a vet for that runny nose. I'd planned to move her out of that tank into something smaller and away from whatever had made her sick. That should have been my task Sat night, rather than another feeding. She was only three, so she may have pulled through. I don't get a do-over and neither does she. So I type this so that if someone else reads it, maybe they won't make my mistakes. American toads are hearty compared to other frogs, but still so very fragile, and to have one die in your hands because of something you didn't absolutely need to do, is heart-breaking.
I miss her SO much.